Dave Barry: A journey into my colon — and yours
Saturday, May 3rd, 2008
Dave Barry: A journey into my colon — and yours
OK. You turned 50. You know you’re supposed to get a colonoscopy. But you haven’t. Here are your reasons:
1. You’ve been busy.
2. You don’t have a history of cancer in your family.
3. You haven’t noticed any problems.
4. You don’t want a doctor to stick a tube 17,000 feet up your butt.
Let’s examine these reasons one at a time. No, wait, let’s not. Because you and I both know that the only real reason is No. 4. This is natural. The idea of having another human, even a medical human, becoming deeply involved in what is technically known as your ”behindular zone” gives you the creeping willies.
I’m 40 and already have had two of these. The procedure itself is nothing. You are out like a light. It’s the prep that sucks ass, so to speak…
Nothing more fun that shitting 35 times in one night and then hoping you can make it to the facility.
So, stop being a pussy and just get it done.
I’m 56 and have already had two of these as well. The second one they found a polyp and took it out. Both times were easy except for the prep which was less than fun.
I agree, there’s nothing to be scared of with this procedure.
Both times I had phentonyl and versed (a synthetic narcotic and a hypnotic) which was fine but now they generally use an anesthesiologist and a single drug that puts you out and brings you back very quickly. I hope they give me that next time as the versed was kind of funny for my wife to witness wearing off: I repeated myself for a few hours.
Just as long as you don’t have to sit through a video of SOMEONE ELSE’s …. I did… I am scarred for life….
Caitlin: Did you eat popcorn? Hey, you’ve got a while to go before you get a pipe up your ass, no worries.