Kitty: March 27, 1989 – December 2, 2009
Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009
Warren, Connecticut. Today was one of the roughest days of our lives. Anne and I had to put Kitty, a cat we’ve had just shy of twenty years to sleep.
She’s been living with a worsening case of kidney disease for over a year and in the past month she started showing signs that it had finally caught up with her.
This cat got into the hearts of everyone who knew her and mine more than anyone else’s. Anne has had many cats although none this long and none who formed such a tight attachment to her people. This was my first cat and I used to dislike cats, am even allergic to them, but this cat somehow worked through all of that and became my good friend.
Anne’s younger daughter Bonnie was given this cat on her 15th birthday in May of 1989. I met Anne in June of that year and the first time I was at their house this cat who was then a very tiny kitten, crawled up my bare leg and went to sleep on my chest. I married Anne and the cat.
Bonnie went off to high school, Anne went off to teach, and I was left at home with the cat who, when she wasn’t outside was sleeping on my scanner and batting my pens off the desk.
The Kitty was a combination of professional cat who was comfortable in the wild woods and also, unlike other more aloof outside cats, a real member of our family who enjoyed us as much as we enjoyed her. Anne tells me this is unusual, most cats are one or the other.
Kitty had too many adventures and misadventures to list here but know that she led a full and wonderful cat life and was extremely well cared for.
It took us a week to get to today: we’ve been giving her pain injections, a twice a day IV and watching her deteriorate and we finally felt that the most humane thing to do was to put her to sleep. Trust me when I tell you that we’ve been crying off and on for a a while and this was a tough decision to make, not because it might not be right for Kitty but because it hurt us so much to make it.
Our vet and her assistant handled it wonderfully and they made the process as smooth and supportive as possible.
Over the past two days I dug a grave for Kitty in Anne’s flower garden back by the stream. It’s a garden that Kitty liked to sit in.
Some of you know that in a past life I was a potter and I decided to line the bottom of the grave with ceramic balls or hollow rocks I’d made and had in the garden. I also covered Kitty (wrapped in her favorite blanket) with the rocks and Anne and I covered the hole with dirt. I put a rock cairn on top to protect the hole from scavengers but next summer I’ll remove the stones and Anne will plant the spot with an entire package of catnip, which she’ll repeat each year.
We really loved this cat and we miss her terribly.
Rest in peace Kitty.
I have over 100 images of Kitty in addition to what’s on flickr now and I’ll be putting them up in the next few days, eventually turning the collection into a slide show. As we find more pictures of her from years past we’ll scan them and add them to the collection.
Slide Show: Images of Kitty
*silently crying*. Never was a kitty so well loved and taken care of. We will all miss her. Hugs and warm thoughts to both you and Anne on such a difficult day.
Thank you Michaela. I know you know well how animals can get into their people’s hearts.
Kitty was a well-loved, happy, adventurous CT cat! I remember when she arrived into the family … and just a few days ago, all of these years later, purring on the bed.
She will be missed and remembered fondly.
Warm thoughts to you & Anne.
Thanks Sandrine. You probably met her before I did. Wow, we really go back, don’t we! Thanks friend, we appreciate your kindness.
so sorry Richard and Anne.
I know you loved your kitty very much.
Thinking of you..
love, sheryl
Thanks sheryl. Hey, we still have to hike together and I need to be hiking now more than ever. I’m supposed to go out tomorrow although it looks like it’s going to pour. Let me know when you’re free, we can hike Bear or someplace near you.
Oh Richard and Anne – know that I am right beside you. You’ve done the right thing for Kitty, as she trusted that you would. You’ve written a beautiful tribute, and the photos will be a welcome gift to all of us who love you and knew the miraculous adventurous Kitty.
Love to you – Roxanne
Dear Richard and Anne,
David, Anna and I are so sorry to hear about Kitty’s passing. I will always remember Kitty’s long winter adventure and her miraculous return. She had amazing resolve – putting the 9 lives to their true test. It saddens me to know that she is gone, but heartens me to know she will never be forgotten.
Love to you and Anne,
Amy
Roxanne: I think, although I’m not sure, that the afternoon you had the party where I met Anne, we were standing outside on the patio (someone broke a bottle with something green in it) and Jonathan Lally drove by and stopped, maybe with Bonnie in the car, maybe without and maybe with Kitty. I’m not sure, it’s no doubt a conflated memory. I do remember that party though.
Thanks for your thoughts. I know you know well what we’ve been through and what we’re going through. Even though we haven’t seen you in years, both Anne and I will always think of you as family and one of the reasons we’re together (which led to me meeting Kitty).
Amy: Right, you and David and Anna knew this cat and her adventures well. We’ll keep telling the stories for years keeping her memory alive.
Thanks for the kind words.
Anne and Richard,
I am so sorry to hear about Kitty. It is so hard when they are struggling because when you love them, you struggle too. She had a great life and will definitely live on each time you remember her, or see the catnip in the garden, or share a story about her.
Nancy
dearest kitty
i am heartbroken you had to go
but i also am relieved for you-
no more enduring
i know you did not want to leave your home
either
finally then,you made it over
and you sit on heavenly fields of sun and soft winds
your soul and job on earht done for now
in your deep purring
above us all
as we struggle down here
in the mud and tears
to understand where you had to go and why you could not realy live forever with us
in real life and time
..your mom and dad -as you know
love you to bits
and it was a heck of a ride.
many adventures i will delight in hearing about and sharing over an over again
how great it is to feel your personality shine even from afar
you never tolerated fools gladly
ha boy i can relate,
dear kitty
i will look after your folks and we will dance by your grave
in gentle and soft waves.
.i shall come soon befroe the earth gets too frozen
to pay my respects for your earthly life and celebrate the new star in the sky along with my four dear ones and of course barbaro.
rest in glory and peace from your loving friend
who so appreciated your searching me out last year
..to let me know how you really felt ..about me as your forever friend
martita
Dear Richard and Anne,
Tears came when I got your sad news, even though I knew Kitty’s health wasn’t good. They came again when I got home tonight and read your sad, but sweet and excellent tribute about Kitty. I count myself as very fortunate to have had the pleasure of her sitting on my lap or near me. She was small but mighty. I was impressed at how quick she was in going after a squirrel in your back yard several years ago. She was one exceptional cat, one of the most interesting and adventurous I’ve ever known. I know this is really hard on you. You’re both in my thoughts, take care.
I’m sorry to hear this Richard. Having raised too many a cats i cant even count how much i realize the feeling of losing someone you loved for so long. Kitty will be missed. My condolences to you and Anne.
Richard, Anne, I’m sorry to hear of your sadness. May Kitty rest in peace.
I am so sorry to hear the sad news – I admit having a little tear well up when reading the post.
Having only met her once, I remember her being a real character and friendly. I’ve always enjoyed hearing about her adventures and seeing the wonderful photos you took.
She had the very best home, with caring and loving people.
Thinking of you all, rest in peace Kitty.
Jon
Dear Nancy, Martita, Gary, Dilip, Sarah, and Jon. Anne and I thank you for your kind thoughts. It’s a tough time.
Today we just feel numb and the routines that used to involve the cat feel delicate as we worry what routine or object in our house will remind us of her and start a gusher.
Friends, I got to know Kitty quite late in her marathon life, but when I would stop by and sit down in your living room, she would always come by to say hello in her own inscrutable way…walk close to my ankle…stop…await a pat to the head in response…and after a few minutes, then amble off to her next priority. I know for certain that when the deep sadness of her loss melts away, there will be hundreds of happy recollections of the cat who survived the clothes drier and the “runaway to Bantam Lake bungalow in winter” caper and so many other amazing tales of derring-do. Our thoughts are with you.
Bill and Nancy
Thanks Bill. I know the rawness of my emotions will even out and hopefully turn into something good, a good memory of good times, but at the moment I’m simply stunned that a little ornery animal like that could burrow so deeply into my heart.
Be well in your travels and we’ll see you when you come back to planet Warren. Thanks friend.
Dear Richard and Anne, been thinking about you three all day…..so much love surrounding…..she was an amazing kitty!…… these kittys in our lives, teaching us all how to love better, fuller……we’ll all miss her…
much love, Joy
sorry to hear the bad news. animal bring so much joy to one life. I am thinking of you.
Richard, Anne, and Bonnie
Our hearts are with you today. As you know, we have had numerous cats and have had to make this decision more times than I want to count. As Joy said, cats are here to brighten out lives – they are love, pure love and I know you both gave love back to her. You did the right thing. All of our former cats had their own personalities and taught us something special. I remember them all fondly.
Heres to looking forward to the next purring love that will surely come into your lives.
Much love from the Darlings in Kansas
Dear Richard and Anne,
Although we never met Kitty we feel like we knew her from our conversations with Richard and photos we’ve seen.
This morning got the news of Kitty’s passing, we feel your sadness and loss. We also cried when we read the memorial, it is beautiful. We are looking forward for the photos of Kitty. Rest in peace KITTY…
with much love,
Bob and Mary
I know how difficult it is to say goodbye to a pet. She shared so much of your life and love.A home is not the same.My heart goes out to you both.
Eileen: You got to see her in the beginning stages of where she was at the end, not able to walk well, weak, and losing weight. We now know that this was all because of kidney failure, not her arthritis. Not much we could have done differently but at least we know more. I’m guessing the huge numbers of cats dying of kidney failure is because of the crap cat food we feed them. No doubt this has been going on long enough so it’s bred in as well. Anyway, I’m glad you got to meet that cat, she was special.
Bob and Mary: I know you’ve been following Kitty’s exploits on the web and I’m sorry you never got to meet her. In her prime, she was a real character and a fun cat to know. It was tough to watch her go downhill but because Anne and lived with her, we didn’t see it as much as others might have. In the end, she was really ready to go. I’ve uploaded all the pictures onto flickr but they’re still private until I figure out how to tag and organize them, then I’ll set up the slide show. A day or two. Stay tuned.
Pam, et al: I know you know more than anyone I can think of about the cat life cycle. When we visited you in KC you had cats in all stages of the life cycle including two very old ones. Those were the oldest cats I’ve ever seen and they were great. Deaf maybe but great in all other respects. Must be all the pure love!
Kitty was a great cat too and this made it harder to decide to put her to sleep but in the end, it was all about her well being, not ours. She was suffering and we did the humane thing for her.
Edward: I know you have cats too. All I can say is, enjoy them, they’re a rare breed of animal. Make sure Henri gets how special cats are too. No doubt he does already.
True enough Joy: The Kitty taught us a lot about open hearted love and I’m quite sure that she both gave it to us and knew she was getting it from us. Otherwise she never would have stuck around.
Anne and Richard we are both so sorry to hear of your loss. At times like this I always think of what Elizabeth II said, “Grief is the price of love.” We are sad that we never got to meet Kitty, but feel sure her spirit will survive and prosper in the garden where we hope to visit soon. Living with Buddy as I have for so long now I can hardly imagine what you are going through with this loss. I do know your wise friends are correct when they say that in time the many wonderful memories will come to sustain you. Love to you both, Karen and Lucy
Thank you Karen, Lucy (and Buddy). You would have enjoyed the Kitty, she was a character. And yes, your close relationship with Buddy Shapiro is much like ours with this cat and I agree with old Liz: Grief is the price of love. When you’re inside the grief part it’s tough to think of the love and thinking of all the good times we had with her makes me miss her… it’s getting easier but very slowly.
This is tough stuff and the scene that comes to mind is from the movie As Good as it Gets when Melvin (Jack Nicholson) has to give Verdell (Jill the dog) back to Simon (Greg Kinnear) after bonding with him and is shocked by how attached he’d become to this little mop of a dog that he’d attempted to kill earlier in the movie.
Our pets become woven into our lives such that we take them for granted, not calibrating the attachment. Melvin was an odd fellow anyway (OCD), not allowing much into his life and it was the dog that opened him up. Isn’t it amazing how a pet can do this. He hadn’t really thought about the effect the dog had had on him until he had to give him up, then the thought of life without the dog hit him like a ton of bricks. Of course, his way to deal with it was to cynically look at himself as a wimp for falling for the dog. We know better… and he finally knew better at the end of the movie.
I feel no shame in crying over the loss of my cat/companion/friend.