Category Archives: Humor

Deconstructing Back to the Future

Four twenty somethings sitting in a diner talking about the movie Back to the Future. Amazingly, this movie holds up to this day because it’s a comedy and that gives it license to do whatever the story needs, even if that means Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) fogging illogical situations with a bunch of scientific sounding words that make no sense. Who cares, it’s great fun.

Writer and producer Bob Gale conceived the idea after he visited his parents in St. Louis, Missouri after the release of Used Cars. Searching their basement, Gale found his father’s high school yearbook and discovered he was president of his graduating class. Gale thought about the president of his own graduating class, who was someone he had nothing to do with. Gale wondered whether he would have been friends with his father if they went to high school together. When he returned to California, he told Robert Zemeckis his new concept. Zemeckis subsequently thought of a mother claiming she never kissed a boy at school, when in reality she was highly promiscuous. The two took the project to Columbia Pictures, and made a development deal for a script in September 1980.

[via Gizmodo]

Fran Lebowitz Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Fran Lebowitz you don’t find here.

More on Fran Lebowitz: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fran_Lebowitz

Twenty-four hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sandwich to arrive.
- Fran Lebowitz

All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
- Fran Lebowitz

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
- Fran Lebowitz

Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing.
- Fran Lebowitz

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
- Fran Lebowitz

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
- Fran Lebowitz

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
- Fran Lebowitz

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Groucho Marx Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Groucho Marx you don’t find here.

More on Groucho Marx: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groucho_marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!
- Groucho Marx

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
- Groucho Marx

I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
- Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
- Groucho Marx

She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
- Groucho Marx

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
- Groucho Marx

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.
- Groucho Marx

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
- Groucho Marx

A man is as old as the woman he feels.
- Groucho Marx

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Quotations about marriage

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations about marriage you don’t find here.

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
- Irwin Corey

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin

The trouble with wedlock is that there’s not enough wed and too much lock.
- Christopher Morley

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

My advice to girls: first, don’t smoke – to excess; second, don’t drink – to excess; third, don’t marry – to excess.
- Mark Twain

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
- Stephen Leacock

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Quotations about Learning

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations about learning you don’t find here.

I never let my schooling interfere with my education.
- Mark Twain

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.
- Al McGuire

Education is learning what you didn’t know you didn’t know.
- George Boas

I quit school in the fifth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it but because I couldn’t spell it.
- Rocky Graziano

Experience is a good school, but the fees are high.
- Heinrich Heine

Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.
- Georg Christopher Lichtenberg

Any place that anyone young can learn something useful from someone with experience is an educational institution.
- Al Capp

The great difficulty in education is to get experience out of ideas.
- George Santayana

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
- Mark Twain

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
- Douglas Adams

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Cat Quotations

I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations about cats you don’t find here.

Dogs come when they are called. Cats take a message and get back to you.
- Mary Bly

When the cat and mouse agree, the grocer is ruined.
- Persian Proverb

Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.
- Oliver Herford

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
- Jeff Valdez

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
- Steven Wright

Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.
- Sir Julian Huxley

Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
- Ambrose Bierce

I do not know what the cat can have eaten. Usually I know exactly what the cat has eaten. Not only have I fed it to the cat, at the cat’s insistence, but the cat has thrown it up on the rug, and someone has tracked it all the was over on to the other rug. I do not know why cats are such habitual vomiters. They do not seem to enjoy it, judging by the sounds they make while doing it. It’s their nature. A dog is going to bark. A cat is going to vomit.
- Roy Blount Jr.

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Missing Cat Poster

Missing Cat Poster

I can relate to this in variety of ways:

  • As one who lost a cat and made posters (they worked, we got her back)
  • As one who’s been asked to do things and couldn’t sync with the person asking
  • As one who’s asked for help and couldn’t sync with the person helping
  • As one who both understands the emotional state the owner of a lost pet and also understands how that might look to someone who thinks its over the top
  • This is a metaphor for so many things: map it onto almost any miscommunication and it works. Fantastic.

    [via Coudal Partners Blended Feed]

    W. C. Fields Quotations

    I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by W. C. Fields you don’t find here.

    More on W. C. Fields: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W.C._Fields

    Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
    - W.C. Fields

    Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
    - W.C. Fields

    I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
    - W.C. Fields

    Somebody put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
    - W.C. Fields

    Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
    - W.C. Fields

    Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
    - W.C. Fields

    I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.
    - W.C. Fields

    I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
    - W.C. Fields

    A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
    - W.C. Fields

    I’ve never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.
    - W.C. Fields

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    Mae West Quotations

    I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Mae West you don’t find here.

    More on Mae West: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mae_West.

    Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.
    - Mae West

    So many men, so little time.
    - Mae West

    It’s not the men in my life; it’s the life in my men.
    - Mae West

    Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
    - Mae West

    I only like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
    - Mae West

    Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
    - Mae West

    I’ve been in more laps than a napkin.
    - Mae West

    I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
    - Mae West

    He who hesitates is a damned fool.
    - Mae West

    She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
    - Mae West

    Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried.
    - Mae West

    I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.
    - Mae West

    Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
    - Mae West

    When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I’ve never tried before.
    - Mae West

    I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Believe me, rich is better.
    - Mae West

    I always say, keep a diary, and some day it’ll keep you.
    - Mae West

    It ain’t no sin if you crack a few laws now and then. As long as you don’t break any.
    - Mae West

    It’s better to be looked over than overlooked.
    - Mae West

    Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
    - Mae West

    Woody Allen Quotations

    I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by Woody Allen you don’t find here.

    More on Woody Allen: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woody_allen.

    I am at two with nature.
    - Woody Allen

    I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
    - Woody Allen

    Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
    - Woody Allen

    If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
    - Woody Allen

    It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
    - Woody Allen

    Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
    - Woody Allen

    If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.
    - Woody Allen

    Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
    - Woody Allen

    More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
    - Woody Allen

    On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
    - Woody Allen

    Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
    - Woody Allen

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    2000 Quotations by Women

    I’ve been collecting quotations for years and figured I’d put my collections online for others to use as they wish. Enjoy these quotations, use the comment form to share any quotations by women you don’t find here.

    I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours.
    - Rita Rudner

    In life as in the dance: Grace glides on blistered feet.
    - Alice Abrams

    Prejudice squints when it looks, and lies when it talks.
    - Duchess de Abrantes

    Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel.
    - Bella Abzug

    All the men on my staff can type.
    - Bella Abzug

    I prefer the word “homemaker” because “housewife” always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.
    - Bella Abzug

    Congress is a middle-aged, middle-class, white male power structure… no wonder it’s been so totally unresponsive to the needs of this country.
    - Bella Abzug

    I began wearing hats as a young lawyer because it helped me to establish my professional identity. Before that, whenever I was at a meeting, someone would ask me to get coffee–they assumed I was a secretary.
    - Bella Abzug

    Time wounds all heels.
    - Jane Ace

    The chickens have come home to roast.
    - Jane Ace

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